Heaven

Today is my sister Kristi's birthday. My older sister, who is perpetually 33. Younger than her son, and way younger than I am. Kristi, who died almost 34 years ago of a sudden and very tragic illness. All these years later I still struggle to find the hope in that.

I do find hope, and great courage, in my nephew Jonathan (Kristi's son) and his beautiful wife Glenda, and their two amazing children, Seth and Audrey. Children who would have had such a loving grandmother in my sister Kris. A son, who gives his all to make a happy life for his family. Kristi would be incredibly proud of them all.

Some people have a vision of heaven where their loved one watches over them; joins them in their daily activities. And if that's how you view heaven, I totally get it. It may be very comforting to believe that.

But no one knows for sure what heaven will be like. 

All I know is that my faith tells me that heaven is a place of true peace, comfort, and joy. A place where all the pain is gone.

So it's way too hard for me to believe that a young mother, taken from her little children, could ever be at peace looking down and not being there. How could there be joy seeing the pain and suffering in your own child's life? How could there be comfort, knowing you will never be able to wipe the tears or make things better? 

How could there be peace for a mom in heaven - even if she was able to see all the way to the end of the story? It's just too hard for me to believe that God would allow a mom to watch from above and not be able to intercede in her children's lives. 

So I have a different idea of heaven. And this one gives me hope.

My sister Kristi loved the beach. She loved being by water. Whether it was a lake in northern Minnesota, by the ocean in Mexico, or even on a cruise ship, she seemed to be the happiest when she was near water. On Potato Lake there's a beautiful, sandy shoreline on the East Arm that receives the most glorious sunsets. Years ago, when this beach held a busy resort, there would be a long line of lounge chairs along that beach. I like to imagine that this is heaven. Kristi's heaven.

I imagine Kristi lounging in one of those chairs - possibly with a drink in her hand that never gets warm. :) There aren't any mosquitos, and none of those biting black flies. There's a great book to read, but only if you feel like reading. There are friends to visit with, but only if you feel like talking. It never feels so hot that you just have to get out of the sun to cool off. The day is perfect.

This. This is how I picture heaven for Kristi. 

And that gives me hope because I know one day we'll join her on that perfect beach. 

In the meantime? We need to live with joy and hope. Kristi would want that. God wants that too.