Secrets

Have you ever had a secret? 

A tiny little surprise that you aren't yet ready to tell anyone. Or a great bit shocker that will knock the socks off people. Something you know, but something you have to keep quiet about because, well...because it's a secret. Not to be shared. Yet.

And not a bad secret. Bad secrets hurt our bodies. Bad secrets make us feel worried and ashamed. Keeping those dark thoughts to ourselves increases our anxiety and removes our hope for the future. I'm definitely not talking about bad secrets.

But good secrets? Surprises? Something you know is coming to someone you love and the time just isn't right for sharing. Those secrets are good. 

A special gift.
A surprise vacation.
An engagement.
A party.
A long-awaited answer.

An event in the life of someone you love that will make their life better.

That's a good secret.

Good secrets give us the greatest feeling of hope.

You can be working away, and suddenly your mind wanders to that little surprise that no one knows but you. You smile. Relax a bit. Close your eyes and take a deep breath or two. Then continue on with your work, feeling just a bit happier. 

You visit with a friend and you think "Hmmmm. Is now the right time? Should I tell her?"

Again, you smile. Little bubbles of excitement pop in your brain and your heart. You savor that secret bit longer.

March is a great time for some surprises. The birds are singing a bit more joyfully. Temperatures are warming up. The days are getting longer. It's been a long, hard winter - a long hard year, actually - and everyone needs the excitement that little secret surprise bring. 

So...pick up your husband's favorite treat and surprise him with it. Make cookies for no special reason. Plan a little adventure. Have a surprise party. 

Keep that little secret. Live with hope!

Losing a Friend

Sunday, Jan 31, we sat on the beach at Manasota Key and watched as the sun set. It had been an overcast afternoon, but by 4:00 the skies had cleared in the west and the sun appeared just above the horizon. The surf was coming in fast and furious. A storm was on the way. But in that few minutes we watched as the sun touched the surface of the water, and then slowly sank into the ocean.

How do you find hope in the death of a friend?

As it disappeared I reflected on the life of an amazing woman, cut way too short and way too unexpectedly. The life of a dear friend, a coworker, an Alpha Phi sister, and a mentor. None of those words can fully contain all that she was, because Candy did every one of them beyond their definition. 

You find hope by celebrating her life - and living a life like hers.

Candy was an active volunteer, passionately supporting what she loved: Itasca State Park, Soaring Eagle Ski Trails, and education. She was one of those members a group can depend on, often taking on the jobs that no one else wanted to do. President. Treasurer. Secretary. Director. She did them all.

Candy could take on any challenge and complete it successfully. Not only was it done, it was done well.  In our little education sorority, when Candy said "we should do this" we did it. She brought others into leadership too, because she knew how to get everyone involved. Candy could be counted on to make sure the task was completed.

After it was done, we celebrated. Candy knew how to celebrate.

Candy knew how to be a friend. I think she knew everyone - and she included everyone! She would send an email invitation to a big group of people she thought might get along and have a spontaneous arts & crafts party, or mystery trip. Let's make a wreath. Let's decorate a wine bottle. Bring your hot glue gun and come on over. 

Expecting a hot summer day? Candy would gather a group of friends to go kayaking. Or she'd plan a "lake day"on her pontoon. Bring out all the toys. We'd lounge, paddle and laugh like teenagers.

Always active, even on the coldest winter days, Candy would arrange cross country skiing or snow shoe gatherings. As long as there was snow, people would gather. But when you finished the outdoor activity, the most fun was gathering in the warming house or around a bonfire with snacks and wine. And Candy never seemed to be in a hurry to leave. 

And best of all, Candy taught me how to "be retired". And that meant to be active, to do what you wanted to do, and to do it with abundant joy. More than once she told me "You're retired. You can do whatever you want. Just do what you love."

Candy knew how to celebrate family. Not only would she travel miles to watch her grandkids participate in any activity, but Candy welcomed them to her Big Sand Lake house in the summer. For weeks before they arrived she would plan their activities: camp games! Scavenger hunts! And of course, there were many bonfires, great meals, and relaxing hours spent on the lake...all planned by Candy.

Candy treasured her family, her friends, and the outdoors. She lived vibrantly, loved deeply, laughed easily, shared readily.

As I watch the sun set I wonder how our community will go on without her...but I know that Candy taught us well.

 I know I am better because of her. She will live on in me.

You are better because of her too. Candy will live on in you.

Anticipation

I'm a planner. 

I love dreaming about a big trip, a new purchase, a holiday, an upcoming event. 

I suppose my husband would say that I love talking about it  - even more than actually getting into the work of preparing for it. Regardless - I find a huge amount of hope in the excitement of preparing and waiting. Planning and preparing is fun. Dreaming about the big day is exciting. 

I'm the same way with preparations for Christmas, a visit from friends, a new purchase. I just love to contemplate all that it could be. I may not make a lot of decisions or actually do anything, but it's always on my mind.

Last spring we intended to travel to Australia and New Zealand. In the previous fall I started talking to anyone who had ever traveled there. What did you see? Where did you go? What should we make sure we don't miss?

We have friends who live in Australia, and others who spent time there years ago. I borrowed books, spent hours on Google searches. I may not be the most efficient planner, but I certainly spend time on it. And eventually we had arranged our itinerary, bought our tickets, reserved our hotel rooms.

And then...covid.

But here's the interesting thing. Although we still plan to visit Australia and New Zealand as soon as we can, I look back on those days of planning and preparing and I remember the joy and the hope I felt. We didn't get to travel, but I almost feel as though we did, consumed as I was with the thought of it.

Planning. Anticipating. Dreaming about that trip or that big event gives me as much hope as actually participating in it. 

When my daughter Maria was 9 we adopted our son Joel. He was born in South Korea in May, and we knew in July that he would be joining our family soon. But we had to wait for him to arrive until everything was finalized.

So...you know now that I love the dreaming and planning. And as you can imagine, our little family began to do just that. Although we hadn't even seen Joel yet, we spent hours just talking about him, just planning for the day he would arrive, for the life we would live in our family of four.

Fast forward to late September. Joel had been in our home for about a week, and I was rocking him to sleep as Maria stood by my side. "You know Mom," she said quietly. "It was a lot more fun waiting for him than actually having him here."

Please don't judge Maria for that line. She absolutely adored (and still adores) her "baby brother". But Maria put into words how we feel as we plan and prepare and wait. 

It's hope. 

I hear a lot of people talking about the "new normal" or "when things get back to normal" after this pandemic, and I don't know when that will be or what it will be like. But I know this:

Plan. Dream. Prepare. Imagine. Daydream. 

No matter how they're experienced there are big days ahead of us. A home remodel. A move. A new birth. A celebration. Start thinking about those big days ahead of you - start preparing - start daydreaming.

Let them fill you with hope.

Riding in a Booster Seat

Do you ever feel like we're all just riding through life in a booster seat? You know, that child's seat in the back of the car?

In a booster seat you don't get to choose where you travel. Your driver may bring you to some very nice places. You may see a lot from that seat. But you don't get to choose where you go. That part isn't up to you.

In a booster seat you don't get to see the whole picture. Your view is limited to what's just outside your window. You can't see too far ahead. You also can't see too much behind you. 

In a booster seat you're wearing a seat belt. You're tightly strapped in. There are limits to how much you can move around, how far you can reach.

How could anyone find hope in riding in a booster seat, you may ask. 

Because riding in the booster seat is like going through life with God at the wheel. Oh that's a worn-out phrase! I think it might even be an old country song or something, but bear with me.

There's hope in knowing that a booster seat is meant to protect its passenger. It reminds us that God is in control. That He can see clearly, even though we can't.

It's knowing that the booster seat is actually the palm of His hand - like in the song On Eagle's Wings, where the last line reminds us:

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand

I encourage you to take hope in the booster seat in which you travel.

Take in the spectacular view you are afforded from your window, knowing that although you don't have the whole picture, what you are seeing is amazing. Sure, it comes with some bumps in the road, but your driver is there to help you through them.

Enjoy life's travels, both down the block and around the world, knowing that although you don't always have control of the places you travel, you never travel alone. And it also helps to remember that the traveling is wonderful, but in the end, there's no place like home.

Take comfort in the protective hands of the Lord holding you - the seatbelt sometimes constraining you. Wrapping around you like a blanket. Find peace, for the Lord is with you always.

Go ye therefore and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you. And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." Amen                                                                                              - Matthew 28:19-20

A Day of Hope

Wednesday was Inauguration Day. Like many Americans, I watched the events unfold on tv. 

The day was made for television. Narrators introduced every person who appeared in the camera's view. The music, the speeches, every moment was well planned and beautifully executed. Our own Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar charmed and entertained with her humble midwestern humor, humility and grace. The beautiful poet laureate Amanda Gorman stunned us with her words...and with her determined, brilliant smile.

There were holy moments. The Bidens and many others attending mass in the morning. The Invocation by Father Leo O'Donovan. The significance of the family bibles. The singing of Amazing Grace. The Benediction by Rev. Silvester Beaman. The solemn, heartbreaking Covid-19 memorial.

The evening's tv shows continued the celebration, ending with the unbelievable fireworks that closed the night. Has anyone ever seen such a spectacular display of fireworks?

America! 

What I loved the most was that the day featured and recognized so many people, from all walks of life and all parts of the country. They were ordinary people. Ordinary people who care deeply about others. Ordinary people who want to help make this country better. 

Four years ago I was in Washington DC for the Inauguration of our 45th President of the United States. I had been excited about this day for over a year. Imagine: the inauguration! In person! It was an event I never ever dreamed I'd be able to attend. Never.

I was fully engaged in the entire event. The morning of the inauguration I could hardly contain my excitement. We were participating in a large gathering directly in front of the Capitol - where we would have a full outdoor view of the presentation as well as a 3-story screen indoors to watch every moment!  We would be watching the parade, and then dressing up to attend an inaugural ball. (No, not the inaugural ball, but one right down the road.)

The motorcade rolled directly in front of us and I stared in awe at the vehicle we thought carried the Obamas and the Trumps. It was one of those unbelievable things you never imagine you will see in real life. As the former presidents arrived we watched them on the big screen and applauded with the others gathered there. Such an amazing display - seeing all of these people who work so hard for our country - and I was there in person!! Goosebumps!

As President Obama and the First Lady were introduced I experienced something I never dreamed I'd hear. It was the most obnoxious and shocking form of racism I have ever witnessed. Spoken loudly, unabashedly, and unapologetically: basically a "Go home where you came from" type of statement, but with several expletives mixed in. And then loud agreement and laughter from the adults gathered near.

That was such a stunning moment for me. I honestly had never heard those words spoken out loud in public before. And unfortunately, it was not a one-time experience.

In the four years since that moment I have heard even people I call friends repeat these racist statements on facebook. Suddenly people don't seem to mind being cruel and vicious - saying things that we would've punished our own children for saying.

It's gotten bad, folks. And not only have we all been hearing it, to a certain extent we've all been doing it. We've all been dragged into this gutter of name-calling and lies. I can't help but remember that Inauguration Day 2017 was when truth became distorted, and when lies became acceptable. When blaming others, name-calling, and tearing people down was even okay with Christians. What had we become?

But throughout the day yesterday I began to feel more and more hopeful. 

This is the America I want to live in. An America where we build others up instead of tearing them down. An America where we point out the good in others. Where we recognize success, value children, speak the truth and seek out good.

I hope that's what you want for America too.

Thank you for the hope! Let's keep it flowing!

And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us
but what stands before us
We close the divide because we know, to put our future first,
we must first put our differences aside
We lay down our arms
so we can reach out our arms
to one another

We seek harm to none and harmony for all     

                               -Amanda Gorman "The Hill We Climb"

If you haven't gotten a chance to listen to Amanda Gorman reciting "The Hill We Climb", here's the video.

Shark Teeth

On our first visit to Florida's Gulf Coast we were introduced to shark's teeth. Walking along the beach on Manasota Key, one is most certain to spot at least a few. And if you really search you will soon have a handful!

What started as a fun beach activity has become somewhat of an obsession. Oh not an obsession, as much as a fun way to walk along the beach and feel like you've hit the jackpot. Searching for shark's teeth is great entertainment.

And you're usually not alone. Many others are also walking along the beach, head down, or digging in the little shells along the shoreline, seeking those elusive little black teeth.

And what hope we are filled with, each time we visit the beach! Today we'll find shark teeth! With each collected tooth the hope grows. Searching for shark's teeth is a hopeful activity.

What is it about collecting teeth that I find so much hope in? I think it's the fact that we find them. We find quite a few of them. And with each tooth slipped into the pocket, there is the hope that there will be more to find.

But I think it's the success in finding that makes the searching so much fun. If we spent a morning at the beach looking for teeth and didn't even find one tooth, I'm guessing we would soon give up. We would spend our time at the beach just walking. Not searching.

Isn't the same true in the kindness of people...in the act of moving through our lives? 

There's an old gentleman in our development who sits outside, just in the entrance to his garage. He seems to sit there all day. And he waves, and calls out a greeting to everyone who happens to walk or drive by.

He is like the people searching for shark's teeth. When someone waves back: he found one! Someone calls out a greeting in response to his: A big win! Someone stops to visit and spend a few minutes with him? Well that's hitting the jackpot. Like finding the megalodon - a rare and precious find. 

And if no one were to walk by. Or worse yet, if people walked by and didn't respond to his greetings. If people didn't even look up when he called out to them. If no one ever stopped to shoot the breeze? 

I'm afraid he would stop looking. 

I'm afraid he will lose hope.

Will the beach ever run out of shark's teeth? I hope not. I know we'll keep looking. 

Will people stop smiling, waving, stopping to say hello? I hope not. 

My hope for your world is that you're finding smiles, waves, greetings...and just a few shark's teeth along the way.

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8: 24-25

Hopeful Squawking

The most hopeful people in the entire world (in my estimation!) have to be school music teachers: those band and and choir directors of all ages who love music, but who, every day, hear the squeaks and squawks and errant sharps and flats made by young people learning music, and still can somehow can envision a symphony.

I often wondered how the very people who love good music so much, can spend so much time listening to music played poorly.

My own experiences in choirs, bands and orchestras all throughout my education proved to me that beautiful music can be achieved, and is so often! But, oh, the pain our teachers must have felt as we were making our mistakes. 

When I was a student in college I used to love walking the halls of the practice rooms. Upon entering you heard the blending of all the sounds, but as you passed by each door you could hear the individual notes being played: a violin warming up, the cellist going over a difficult line, the repetitions of music theory, a lilting flute, and on and on. 

Standing by one door I could be reminded of how, as a little girl, I loved lying under our grand piano while my mother, a gifted pianist, practiced. 

I am convinced that good music heals the heart.

Even as a child I recognized that not everyone had a Baldwin grand piano in their living room. I also learned early that one could get out of doing dishes by practicing piano instead. Although my mom wasn't my personal music teacher, (she had 40 or so of her own piano students, but knew enough not to try to teach her own kids!) she knew every note of every song, so even when in a different room she would call out to me, saying things like "That's an F Sharp!" or "Try that line again."

She was a perfectionist, and firmly believed that music should be played correctly. However, she was a musician, and even more importantly than being played perfectly, she believed that it should be performed musically. 

Mom's organ teacher in college, at Concordia in Moorhead, MN, was none other than the famous Paul J. Christiansen. She told me about one of the first weddings she ever played for. In the middle of the prelude she looked down from the balcony in horror, as Paul J was ushered into the church. She says she played in fear of making a mistake that entire wedding. 

My guess is that he was proud of the beautiful job she did. 

I asked her if she made a mistake when she looked down and saw him. 

"My hands felt like jello," she admitted, "and I'm sure I missed a beat in that measure. But pretty soon I forgot that he was there and just enjoyed the music."

Mom never stopped striving for excellence, however. Whether accompanying a soloist, playing for church, enjoying Christmas carols, or with any type of music, she continually reinforced for me the importance of practicing, and of striving for perfection.

It was important to her, and she passed that down to me. Whether singing in a choir, preparing for a piano recital as a child, playing my flute in band or orchestra, or cantering during mass,  I wanted the notes, the pitch, and the rhythms to be perfect, although I know it rarely was.

And that's what amazes me about music teachers. Somewhere in the cacophony of sounds there is the hope that it will all come together. I think, even more than that, there is the hope that each child will develop a love of music.

So, here's to you, music teachers! You give me hope.

Hope in Conflict

As a very new kindergarten teacher about a hundred years ago (at least it sometimes feels that way), I worked with two other kindergarten teachers who had the completely opposite viewpoint on how kindergarten should be taught.

In defense of both of these teachers, they were excellent educators and their children and families loved them. However, one leaned about as far to the left of stressing play and allowing time for children to “be ready to learn” as one can get, while the other believed the exact opposite: that kindergartners need to learn to sit in desks, listen and follow directions well, and have very neat penmanship. Our grade level meetings were tense at times as these two seasoned veterans discussed educational standards and scope & sequence, trying to be polite, but never really able to agree with each other.

And there I was - the new young teacher in the middle - questioning which side I should choose, or at least which side I should be leaning toward. I often said that my choice to move on to first grade was more to remove myself from this situation than anything else. 

Conflict. Taking sides. The challenging part is that when there are two sides so many of us feel that we have to choose a side. Worse yet, it often becomes the thing that separates us: it’s MY belief is the right one, and yours is wrong.

Just as I felt stressed by that back in the 1980s as a teacher, I feel stress in that now, as a Catholic US citizen. It feels as though we’re picking sides - and whichever side you choose you’ve put yourself into that group, and now you’re either “right” or you’re “wrong”. 

The problem is that these issues aren’t 100% right or 100% wrong. 

The kindergarten teachers with whom I worked taught me that BOTH SIDES are doing what they do and believing their beliefs because they care about the education of children. They both loved teaching. They both wanted the best for their students. They both sought to grow as educators and to be the best teachers they could be.

It gives me hope to remember that (am I being naive here?) all people want the best for our country and our world. All people want others to be happy and healthy; we all want others to be treated fairly. We just have different ways of getting there. I believe this. I believe if asked, most people would say that they want every person to have a fair shot in life.

And yet, suddenly we're being told to take sides. And we have media outlets, spokespeople and politicians telling us that our side is right and "those other people" are wrong. Because, you know, you just can't be a little of each, right? 

This is what scares and frustrates me in our country right now. It's not the disagreeing. It's not that there are huge issues to solve. The thing I am scared and frustrated by is that people feel so compelled to take a side, and then to disavow anyone who has a different belief.

Several years ago while taking classes for my media specialist degree I was in a children's literature class. I sat between two women with whom I'd shared many classes. We often studied or grabbed lunch together, and I liked them both.

I happened to be sitting between them in class when a very heated debate about the current book took place. These two were arguing, raising their voices to get their point across, when one of them leaned in front of me, pointed her finger at the other, and declared, "Well, you just think that because you're stupid!"

Can you imagine the shock in the classroom? Everyone was stunned. I was shaken, and leaning back in my chair, almost expecting them to start physically fighting. 

But Sue, the woman in the other chair? She burst out laughing. 

Yes, she burst out laughing, and pretty soon - a little uncomfortably at first - the entire class erupted in laughter.

I give Sue so much credit for her response. Rather than take offense, she accepted her friend's outburst and recognized that their disagreement had nothing to do with their friendship.

One Christmas when my mother was visiting we had a large family gathering where we were all around one big table. As the meal progressed we got into a very boisterous conversation where there was some real disagreement and controversy. I have no idea now what it was that we were discussing, but I remember that the conversation could be considered "heated". 

After the meal, as we were cleaning up, my mother - who was widowed and lived alone - pulled me aside. "I love that," she told me. "I love having those conversations where we are challenged to think deeply about what we believe, even if it means there are differences. I didn't realize that I missed that so much."

I love that too. I love hearing what others think. I love listening to a person sharing their convictions so strongly. 

And I love that, at the end of the meal, we all are still family. We all love each other and accept each other. And we know that, even if we don't always agree, we always respect all those at the table - and nothing they can say will make us lose the belief that they say what they say because they want what's best for the world.

So, can we quit taking sides and start listening to each other?

Reflections on 2020

Last night we ate the last of the Christmas cookie crumbs and finished off the Christmas candy. We have packed away the ornaments and the tree. And because we knew we wouldn’t be back home for weeks, we put every Christmas decoration away much earlier than usual.

Then we got in the car and drove. And driving has given me time to reflect on the Christmas holiday and the end of 2020. 

2020 has been a strange year. We had planned an amazing trip with friends to Australia and New Zealand for April. Our tickets were purchased, hotel rooms were booked, and the itinerary was set. Who could’ve guessed that by March we would be canceling, with no reschedule date in mind. 

Like everybody, we felt the crazy changes that covid brought to our lives. Isolating. Quarantine. Mask-wearing. Social distancing. 

We traveled less. We ate out less. We gathered with friends much less.

We took more walks. We spent more time on the lake. We appreciated the fall colors more than we ever have before (in my memory). 

I went in to work less, but worked much more - taking advantage of Google Meet and Zoom. 

I attended a lot of meetings over Zoom, and I realized that I am a “worker bee”. I don’t like small talk during meetings. I don’t like to come early or leave late because we’re visiting. I want business to be all business (with polite and friendly conversation), but come on, People! If there’s work to be done, let’s get it done, and if there isn’t, then we shouldn’t be wasting our time meeting. Sheesh!

And I learned something surprising about myself. By fall I learned that I actually was missing people. I began to accept invitations for “zoom coffee” just to chitchat. I popped in early to meeting rooms just to be able to visit. I didn’t want our book club Zooms to end; let’s just keep the conversation going.

I learned that I actually do enjoy being social. 

And when Christmas came and it was a quiet Christmas with just our kids for the first time ever, I thought it was beautiful! I stressed out less. I baked more. I completely decked out the house in Christmas, knowing I’d be taking it all down in just a few weeks. And I turned on those Christmas lights, and ate off the Christmas dishes, as often as I could. 

Tom and I participated in an Advent retreat, which lead to deep conversation and consistent prayer. We missed being with our loved ones. I haven’t seen my sister in almost a Two of our nieces have new babies and we would’ve loved to be able to see them. However, I know there are so many people who have suffered through 2020, emotionally, financially, and medically. It’s been a tough year - and to say it was wonderful for me minimizes the challenges others have faced. 

And now we turn the calendar and it’s 2021. A new year, full of hope! Will everything be perfect this year? Of course not.

Will 2021 be better than 2020 was? Hopefully, but not necessarily. 

So I will take the lessons I’ve learned from 2020:

• Enjoy the chance to socialize.
• Appreciate my friends.
• Continue to be active outdoors.
• Hold my loved ones near.
• Pray constantly.

And keep hoping.

Birthdays

Birthdays. As children, our birthdays are some of the biggest days in our lives. And why shouldn’t they be? Besides the presents, birthdays add a year to your age, bringing with it extra privileges. Going to kindergarten. Becoming a teenager. Getting your driver’s license. Turning 21. 

But at some point in our lives birthdays aren’t as celebrated. For me that started early. My birthday usually falls on one of the last days of school. That in itself was always cause for celebration. As a teacher, those last days of the year were extremely busy. A birthday was just one more thing to think about. 

Plus, for many years I was the youngest one in our group of friends. For many years I really wanted to catch up a bit. As a newly-retired person that is still true. While at work I’m definitely the old lady, in the social groups I’m young. I listen to the ages of others and my age even sounds young.

My mother used to say that she wanted to die in her 70s. In her mind, the 70s were still considered “young”. When people died in their 70s, others say “Oh how sad. She was so young!” When people die in their 80s others say “Oh, but she lived a good life.” She had a great attitude about age. 

The best, most hopeful attitude about age came from my father-in-law. He worked every day to stay in shape, to gain muscle, to remain physically fit as he aged. When asked how he was feeling he would sometimes respond with “Well, I’m still buying green bananas.” When people said, “It’s good to see you” he would reply, “It’s good to be seen.”

But it’s so easy to begin to view aging as getting old. It sneaks up on you gradually.

One of my favorite Norah Jones songs illustrates how this happens:

One flight down
There’s a song on low
And your mind just picked up on the sound.
Now you know you’re wrong
Because it drifts like smoke
And it’s been there playing all along.
Now you know. 

You begin to change from growing older to being older. 

But think about it: growing old definitely beats the alternative. Each birthday is a celebration of a year lived. It’s a chance to look back on our year and consider the gift that time has been.

Matthew Kelly from Dynamic Catholic encourages us to “become the best version of ourselves”. It takes every day of our lives to do that - to become a little better in how we live and love every single day. And doesn’t that give us something to celebrate each year? 

It also gives us a goal for the coming year. 

A better listener. More patient. More compassionate. More loving. 

One of the best things about growing older is the opportunity and the time to contemplate the legacy your life has been so far and to to consider how to continue to shape that legacy.

And that is worth celebrating!

Waiting with Hope

It will come when you least expect it.

How I hated that line! 

When you're waiting, hoping, praying...and when your life is focused on that one thing you're waiting for, hearing that it will come when you least expect it seems so silly. 

How could you ever least expect it? It's all you can think about.

As we hope for something, the expectation draws ever closer to us. 

And think of all the things we hope for in our lives. Most of them have a very definite date and time. Jesus says, "Therefore keep watch, you do not know the day or the hour." Matthew 25:13

Both of my children, whose births I longed for, surprised me by proving that we really don't know the day or the hour. Babies have specific due dates, and mine was in July. Even when my water broke in May I didn't take a toothbrush with me to the hospital, and when the doctor told me I was having a baby 8 weeks early, I replied "No, I'm not." 

We thought we knew the plan. Keep watch. You do not know the day or the hour.

Years later we were adopting our son. The paperwork was complete. Everything was in place. I was getting anxious...and called to ask for a date and time. I like to plan. The answer devastated me: "It could be weeks. Don't call us; we'll call you when the time is near." 

The call came only two days later...and I was not expecting to hear it. Keep watch. You do not know the day or the hour.

Watching and waiting are hard. We want to be in control. We want answers today. 

When I was growing up I thought the longest day of the year was Christmas Eve. The presents were wrapped and under the tree, and my child's mind was focusing on the time that evening when the family would gather around that tree and finally open the presents. My brothers and sisters and I were intent on getting to that as quickly as possible. 

My mother had other plans. She knew the importance of watching and waiting...

In my family it was a tradition for the kids to put on a Christmas pageant after dinner (which we had the day to plan, produce and practice). There were costumes to be created, which took most of the dishtowels from the kitchen, but turned us into Mary and Joseph, the shepherds and an angel. If there was a baby in the family, it became Jesus. Later, my baby dolls took on that role. Depending on our ages we had piano, clarinet, viola, flute, trumpet, and even tubas performing. There were always many Christmas carols that would be played in just the right order to tell the Christmas story.

After our traditional lutefisk, meatballs, and lefse dinner (and the washing of every single plate) this Christmas pageant would take place, but it was always followed by one more reading of the Christmas story - passing the large book from hand-to-hand as everyone there took a turn reading.

My mom usually sat at the piano then, and we took out our family Christmas caroling books (yes, we were that family. We had our own caroling books!) and we began to sing one song after another until finally closing with Silent Night.

I find it amazing that when I look back I can remember little Timmy, dressed as Joseph while I was Mary. I can remember how beautifully my dad sang, and how much fun it was to sing every single verse in four part harmony. I remember the little ones just learning to read, enunciating every word so carefully, my mom helping pronounce "swaddling cloths" or "Quirinius". And I remember begging to sing just one more song, even though the presents remained unopened.

My mother knew how to fill the waiting time with activity. But she knew that this activity should point to the birth of Jesus and the true meaning of this holy night. She knew that we must wait with joy and anticipation.

The waiting of Advent is important. It prepares the way of the Lord. It fills us with hope. It is a time to be active; decorating, caroling, baking. But more than that, it is a time to look to the birth of Jesus and to prepare our hearts for His coming.

"Therefore keep watch, you do not know the day or the hour." Matthew 25:13

Find us ready (Tom Booth)

Find us ready, Lord, not standing still.
Find us working and loving and doing your will.
Find us ready, Lord, faithful in love,
building the kingdom that’s here and above,
building the kingdom of mercy and love.

We must wait for the Lord
for we know not the time.
So here and today
we gather and pray,
discovering love in our midst.

We must make straight the path,
God’s love revealed.
With sin cast aside,
God’s mercy alive,
fear not for here is your God.

Lifting up those bowed down,
we prepare for our God.
Rejoice in the Lord,
for hope has been born
in hearts where our God finds a home.

Optional final ending
Brick by brick, stone by stone,
find us working and loving and doing your will.
Find us ready, Lord, faithful in love,
building the kingdom that’s here and above.

A Cup of Coffee

About a week before my mom died we were sitting around her bedside with the hospice nurse, going through what we believed to be the last moments of her life. Her breathing was shallow and slow, with great pauses in between breaths. The lights had been dimmed in her nursing home room, and we were praying, and watching, and waiting. Our wonderful hospice nurse had suggested we call our family, and those who could come were on their way. 

The door to the room pushed openly quietly, and a nurse whispered “Can I get anyone a cup of coffee?”

At that moment my mother  - who we thought was seconds away from dying - sat up and said “I’ll take a cup!”As you can imagine, the entire room erupted in shock and laughter. I’ll never forget that moment!

My mom loved coffee with friends. 

As a little girl I remember how often she would get together for “coffee parties” with the neighbor ladies. Mom was a part of at least one birthday club - a group of friends who just got together each month to celebrate their birthdays. She also a had a strong circle of friends she loved coffee time with, either one at a time or in small groups. Even as she aged, and moved into assisted living, it was a highlight for her to have someone in for coffee, often paired with a coffee cake or some special treat she’d made, or to go out a join a friend or two for good conversation around a cup of joe.

As a young mom it often left me shaking my head. How did she have time for it? I felt like I was always so busy - between my children’s activities, committees, boards, clubs, and of course, working full-time, I didn’t ever feel like I could stop, pour a cup of coffee, and just sit; let alone, plan ahead of time and make a special treat and invite someone to share it with me. And to be honest, I didn’t always feel like I even wanted to. My life was so full of people, and frankly, at times they wore me out. If I had the time for a cup of coffee, I would’ve rather taken it all alone I’m afraid. 

But along came covid. And retirement - the time in my life when I actually do have a little free time and a bunch of of fun friends I love visiting with over a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine). 

To be honest I have learned to really enjoy visiting with friends. I didn’t know what I was missing! 

So now, with Zoom meetings, quick trips into the grocery store with masks, and measuring my time with co-workers when I do get to stop into school (so I don't have to report possible "covid encounters"!) I honestly have to say I miss people. 

Our book club and education sorority meetings are online in Zoom, as are many of the other meetings I attend. Zoom is great - but it certainly makes it harder to have those personal and meaningful conversations. And I am becoming more and more aware of how important those face-to-face conversations are. 

As a covid vaccine appears closer and more inevitable, I pray that I will learn from the events of 2020. Not just learn to be more aware of my health, wash my hands more often, and cough into my elbow - but to learn how valuable my friends are. 

I pray that I will remember how much I value my friendships, and how much I love getting together for a cup of coffee. When this is all over, and we're ready to socially undistance, let's do it, okay? We need eachother!

The Big Game

I've been a coach's wife for most of my married life. Throughout those years I alway said that the best time of every season is the week just prior to the first game. 

Before the first game everyone's spirits are high. The conversations are vibrant. The dreams are huge. Everything seems possible.

We'll beat that rival team. We'll win our Homecoming game. We'll go undefeated. We'll make it to State. Who knows? This might just be THE YEAR!!! 

It's so easy to be hopeful before you've even set foot on the field. Joy abounds - even in the coach's house!

Once the season starts the mood changes a bit. Even with a winning record there are doubts that creep in. Will we maintain our momentum? Will the players stay healthy? Will we make good decisions on and off the field?

I'll never forget the ride home after my husband's first loss as a head football coach. I had gone to the game with his Dad - a football coach himself (recently retired). We played a bigger school in a division up from us, and it was a tough, hard-fought game. In the end, the other team won, and I was feeling bad, both for my husband, and for myself...because I knew how losses can affect the household. There's almost a mourning period after a loss until the expectation and planning of the next game take hold.

As always, the radio was on in the car, and the announcer was reading the results of every game. Staples 21 - Wadena 10; Detroit Lakes 17 - Fergus Falls 10; Grand Rapids 28 - Aitkin 13...

I was staring out the window and feeling pretty blue, and John reached up and turned down the radio. It startled me a bit, and I glanced over at him. Then he said "Laurie, do you notice how, in every game, one team wins and the other team loses?"

I wasn't sure where he was going with this one, but he continued, "Half of the teams that played today lost. Half of them. This might be the first time, but it certainly won't be the last."

He turned the radio back up.

How do you find hope when you just lost the game? 

You start by thinking about the next game. You look at all the ways you can improve on your performance. You practice. You get excited all over again. 

As a spectator I often wondered how the coach got his players motivated at half time when they went into the locker room after being outplayed and outscored the whole first half. 

That coach probably feels like getting on the bus and heading home. 'Probably wants to tell those kids to hit the showers and forget about it. But there's half a game left and you can't quit now.

Good coaches know how to tell those athletes to face the second half with hope. They know what it means to "win the second half" - to play their best, even if it might not be enough to come out on top. To learn from the mistakes of the first half and make fewer errors. To keep fighting, even if winning doesn't seem possible. To hold their heads high. To take on the attitude that a whole new game is starting, and the mistakes of the first half don't matter any more. 

Good coaches know that life is a lot bigger than the game, even if that game is a state championship, or even a Super Bowl. 

Right now, some of us feel a little like halftime in the throws of a losing battle. 

We've made mistakes.

We've focused on the wrong goal.

We've been injured, and we've seen the injuries that others are enduring.

But don't give up hope because this is life! It can't be the time to throw in the towel or take the long bus ride home. We're here. Our friends and families are here. And not only are we the coaches in this, we're also the players in the big game. 

We can start fresh. We can win the second half. We can do our best. We can keep fighting. Most importantly, we can stop focusing on what came before and fix our eyes on what's ahead of us.

Because at the end of this we all want to be able to say:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 7-8

So do not give up. 

Have hope.

Pay it Forward

Perhaps you heard the news story: over 900 vehicles "paid it forward", picking up the tab of the car behind them for 2 1/2 days! 

How exciting! To enter, or drive through, Dairy Queen and be told that for 125 cars in a row, each customer has picked up the bill, so now your ice cream is free! What else would you do? Of course you'd say "I'll keep it going! I'll pay the bill for the car behind me!" 

It would hardly be a decision you'd have to give much thought to. Of course you would keep the chain going. Of course you'd pay the bill.

And what fun! To know you'd been a part of something so large. 

A simple thing - a game of chance really. 

Perhaps the person who picked up your family's whole meal tab was just in there for a small cone of his own. He paid much more than the price of the cone. And your family: you hit the jackpot! A free meal (or almost free!) It's the luck of the draw. The main thing is you were all going to Dairy Queen. You all knew you were going to spend some money to buy something; what difference to most of us if it's just a little more than we planned to spend. And how much fun if it was much less than you planned to spend. Either way, you win!

You'd join that chain, right? You wouldn't be the one who would say "No. I don't want to pay for the meal of the person behind me. I'll just take this free meal and go."

The fact is, though, that "pay it forward" moments are everywhere we look. And every single one of us can begin the movement...or end it.

Hold the door open for the person behind; pay it forward.

Say "hello!" or "Merry Christmas" to someone you meet on the street; pay it forward.

See someone drop their bag and jump to help pick it up; pay it forward.

Send a note or a card, or make a phone call to a friend; pay it forward.

There are "pay it forward" opportunities in each minute of our day. 

And, yes, I see hope in each person taking advantage of those opportunities to pay it forward. Every single one of them makes our world a little bit better, a bit more kind, a lot more joyous. Paying it forward feels good to the one who receives the gift, but even better to the one who gives.

But my real hope? 

My real hope comes in the very first person who says "I'm paying it forward. I'm not doing this because 125 customers ahead of me have all done it. I'm not doing it because CNN and NBC and the local news station are all here to report it."

I'm paying it forward because right now times are tough. People are sad. The holidays are here, and yet many more people than ever have greater needs than ever. We're struggling because we can't gather as family and friends. We're scared. We're isolated. 

But paying it forward makes a difference. It makes me feel more hopeful. And it makes the world just a little bit better.

Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; and walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given Himself for us as an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savor. Ephesians 5:1-2

True Christianity means paying it forward. And that brings true hope to the world.

Finding Hope in Children

I love working with children. I've been in education over 40 years (!) and I could fill books with the funny and amazing - and hopeful - things that children have said and done. They absolutely delight me. 

Before I even considered becoming a teacher I worked in a day care center with 3 & 4 year olds. What energy! One of the little boys called out to me every morning "Hi Glory!! Come play with me Glory!" For weeks I laughed about this, and occasionally tried to correct him by telling him my name was "Laurie". But every day he'd continue to call me Glory. I finally realized that it was because a couple of the teachers in the room greeted everyone with a loud "G'morning Sue! G'morning Mary!" 

Now say that to yourself: "G'morning Laurie" And doesn't it sound a bit like Glory?

Easy to see how my love of the things children say stayed with me the rest of my life. 

Children bring me hope. I could share a million different ways in which I see hope in the eyes of a child.

Visiting Itasca State Park. On the bus ride home a first grader took my hand and asked "Is it always there? Can anybody go there whenever they want?" What a thrill to introduce a child to a place in our community that brings out that kind of response!

Learning to read. Okay - anyone who has ever experienced the wonder of a young child reading for the first time must know that they are witnessing a miracle. 

Playing baseball (or fill in your own activity). There is no bigger knot in a mother's stomach when her own child walks up to bat or, worse yet, to pitch! It may not strike fear in the heart of the child, but I'll never forget the stress I felt from the bleachers. I will also never forget the hope and the pride. :)

First snowfalls. While adults may be cursing the slippery roads or the thought of bringing out the shovels, look at the sparkle in the eyes of the young ones: It's SNOWING!!

Playing a musical instrument. From those first screeches, to the never-ending scales, and then simple melodies; if you've experienced a child learning to play clarinet, or trumpet, or piano, or any number of other instruments, you know the absolutely joy when you first hear a recognizable tune, or better yet, when the whole band plays. 

Treating others kindly. I can't tell you the number of times my heart swelled when the children in my classrooms showed concern for each other. Regardless of the grade I taught or the subject they needed to learn, I always believed my most important lessons in school had to do more with caring for others and building relationships than anything else. 

Looking at a manger scene. My niece Sara's daughter, Marit, bored by "adult conversation" wandered over to our nativity a Christmas or two ago. It's not breakable, and it was cute to see her playing with the shepherds, processing the kings to the manger, and putting baby Jesus in Mary's arms. But the sweetest part was that after everyone left I looked at that nativity and saw the final way Marit had set the scene.

It's the way we all should be "setting the scene" this Christmas. 

Baby Jesus was in the manger. But Mary, Joseph, the shepherd, the kings, and all the animals were standing huddled together - facing that manger. Every eye on the baby. Rather than the typical nativity scene, this group looked to the baby Jesus as if they were in awe of Him. 

As if He were the Savior. 

As if He were the King.

And that's HOPE.

Whether you have little ones sitting beside you, just across town, across the country, or inside your treasured memories, think about the hope with which a child lives. 

Close your eyes and remember the children in your life and the illustrations of hope all around. 

And just to make you laugh I'll tell one more story of hope. For one full school year I walked down the same hallway at Frank White Elementary School at the same time each day, and just at the corner I met a little gal who, for whatever reason, was always walking that same hallway in the other direction. She was a friendly little thing, and one who loved to talk. 

Each day, just after we greeted each other, she would point at me with her pointer finger, and move it up and down as she studied me from head to toe. And then she would stop at something she noticed and say "I like your hair" or "I like your earrings" or "I like your shoes". 

It was one of the highlights of my day. Sometimes I even considered what I might wear that she would notice.

As the year went on this continued daily, until one winter noon we met in the hallway and said our greetings. As always, she stuck that little pointer finger out and looked me up and down. She then began, "I like your..." and there was a very great pause. 

In fact, there was more than a pause, because apparently she found nothing she liked. She hesitated a moment, and then called out "Have a great day!" and skipped off down the hall. 

For years I chuckled about that one, and as I looked myself over in the mirror just before leaving for work I often thought about what it might be that she would point out that day. It really didn't matter though. Because just seeing her face light up, hearing her say my name, looking forward to that friendly little face always filled me with a lightness that I can only call hope. 

I don't know where she is today. But I do know that she taught me a whole lot more than I ever taught her. 

And....I like your sweater!

More Valuable than Birds

I have an unusual relationship with birds. They seem to appear in my life in odd places and at strange times. I know small birds are everywhere, so everyone see them, but, In fact, it almost seems as if they could be following me around....

Trying to tell me something.

Seriously.

Not once, but several times, a large pileated woodpecker has appeared right at my door and tapped on the window. Or I can be sitting alone on the porch when suddenly one will land on the windowsill and startle me with a very loud scream.

But it’s not just woodpeckers.

I was sitting on the deck at our house in Sauk Rapids when a few sparrows began flying around, and then a few more, and pretty soon the entire roof was filled with a huge flock of birds. I had never seen birds do that before, and I don't believe I've seen it since.

One of my most amazing bird experiences was in the airport. I was sitting alone, waiting for a flight and reading my book, when I suddenly noticed a little songbird hopping about. It came right over to me and hopped around and around my chair while I watched it. 

The Bible tells us that God watches over the smallest of birds. Matthew tells us “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26)

If God keeps his eye on even the littlest hummingbird, how much more does he care for me? 

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:33-34)

Do a Google search on birds, and why they get close to people, and you will find people who believe that this a warning symbol; an omen or foreboding of something bad about to happen in your life.

There are also those who believe that when a deceased loved one wants to send us a message they do it in the form of birds popping up in our lives. Perhaps they are signs of support; of love from a guardian angel in heaven.

Once again, I don't know. I wish I had those kinds of answers.

What I do know is that birds bring me hope. When I’m feeling down, or lonely, or sad, and then the woodpecker taps at my window, or the songbird hops around my chair, or the sparrows gather on my roof I hear God saying: I care for those birds. How much more do I care for you?

And that’s all I need to feel hope.

Hope. It can be a bit hard to find this year. We've been isolated. We've been scared. We've been shuttered away from those we love. And we've been watching a world that seems ever so much more divided and angry than ever before.

But watch those birds. They are not worrying about tomorrow. Let your spirit soar with them. Let them give you hope.

You are much more valuable than the birds.